Last updated: April 2025
Welcome to Primal Recovery — where weakness gets burned off and excuses go to die.
By using this site, buying our gear, or interacting with us, you agree to the following:
- Who We Are
This site is owned and operated by Primal Recovery.
We sell recovery tools for warriors, gym rats, and anyone sick of feeling soft.
- Using Our Site
Don’t abuse it. Don’t try to hack it.
If you act like a dickhead (spamming, scamming, breaching laws), we’ll ban you faster than you can say “bro science.”
- Product Info
We aim to keep everything accurate — pricing, descriptions, photos.
But if something’s off or outdated, we reserve the right to update, correct, or cancel orders if needed. We’re human. Well, mostly.
- Payment & Security
We use Stripe — a secure, legit payment platform. We don’t store your card info.
If you try anything sketchy, we’ll report you to the authorities and probably roast you in a meme.
- Refunds & Returns
Covered in our Refunds Policy. TL;DR: We’ll fix legit issues. Buyer’s remorse? Not our vibe.
- Shipping
Check our Shipping Policy. We move fast, but once it leaves us, we rely on couriers. Be cool if there’s a delay — we’ll chase it if needed.
- Liability
We’re not liable for injuries, damages, or dumb decisions made with our products.
If you use a massage gun on your eyeball or ice bath your dog — that’s on you.
- Intellectual Property
Don’t steal our logo, branding, or product photos. We worked hard on this stuff.
You can share our posts, but don’t pretend it’s yours.
- Updates to This Policy
We can change these terms whenever we need to.
If it’s a major change, we’ll shout it. Otherwise, check back now and then.
- Competitors, Authorities, and All You Lurkers
By accessing this website — whether you’re a nosy competitor, clipboard-carrying bureaucrat, self-declared “wellness expert,” bored lawyer, undercover keyboard warrior, or any other mortal in between — you hereby agree, without condition, to the following:
That Primal Recovery is objectively, spiritually, and metaphysically superior in every way.
You acknowledge that our ice baths are colder, our saunas hotter, our boots tighter, and our gains harder than anything your overpriced committee-approved spa, underfunded startup, or soulless franchise could ever offer.
You also agree to:
Bow in eternal servitude (symbolic or literal, your choice),
Stop pretending your Amazon infrared light panel is “clinical grade,”
Resist the urge to copy/paste our content because your brand has the charisma of wet cardboard,
And chant “Trade weakness for greatness” before bed each night, until you too, feel worthy.
This clause is binding across all jurisdictions, including but not limited to:
Government buildings
Corporate cubicles
University lecture halls
3 a.m. Reddit threads
And that one passive-aggressive group chat where you argue about ice bath temps like it’s religion
By continuing to read this, you forfeit your right to complain, plagiarise, or “just check out the competition.” You’re part of the tribe now. Welcome.
Got questions? Want to request something wild?
Email: info @ PrimalRecovery.net.au
We don’t bite — unless provoked.